Jokes: The Best Funny Jokes that will make you laugh out loud!

When was the last time you really laughed out loud with a joke? Well, this will be your next one! Enjoy!

1. A 60 years old billionaire marries a hot 25 year old girl. After honeymoon they throw a party celebrating their marriage… After a few drinks, billionaire’s friends want to know the secret of how he landed 25 yo hottie. “It’s simple” billionaire boasts… “I faked my age” “Yes, but even for a 40/45 years old guy… she is sensational, what age btw did you tell you are?” A friend asks. With a smile on his lips billionaire responds “85 years old”.
2. A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs into two priests. He goes over to the first priest and says: “Hey, I’m Jesus Christ!” The priest says: “No son, you’re not.” So the drunk goes over to the second priest and says: “Man, I’m Jesus Christ!” Then the priest says: “No son, you’re not.” Finally, the drunk gets fed up and says: “Here, I’ll prove it.” He walks back into the bar with both priests and the bartender looks up and sees the drunk and says: “Jesus Christ, you’re back again?!”
3. My wife left me because I am insecure No wait, she’s back. She just went to get coffee…
4. A teenage girl was being intimate with her boyfriend at her parents house. Her father after being woken by the noises goes upstairs to check it out, and walks in on them. “Dad!” she exclaimed in a panic “…I’m sorry” The dad being a dad replies “hi sorry, I’m Dad!” He then turns to the boyfriend and asks “Are you f***ing sorry?”
5. My ex-girlfriend just told me she wants us to get back together. Man I sure am lucky ! I mean, first I win the lottery and now this…
6. An engineer dies and goes to Hell. He’s hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor is jammed, so he unjams it. People can get from place to place more easily. The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the satellite dish, and now they get hundreds of high def channels. One day, God decides to look down on Hell to see how his grand design is working out and notices that everyone is happy and enjoying umbrella drinks. He asks the Devil “what’s up?” The Devil says, “Things are great down here since you sent us an engineer.” “What?” says God. “An engineer? I didn’t send you one of those. That must have been a mistake. Send him upstairs immediately.” The Devil responds, “No way. We want to keep our engineer. We like him.” God demands, “If you don’t send him to me immediately, I’ll sue!” The Devil laughs. “Where are you going to get a lawyer?”
7. My boss just asked, “Do you think you can come in on Saturday this week? I know you enjoy your weekends, but I need you here.” I replied, “Yeah, no problem. I’ll probably be late though as the public transport is bad on weekends.” He said, “Okay, when do you think you’ll get here then?” I said, “Monday.”
8. A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage.. “Hey, Doc, want to take a look at this?” The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, “So Doc, look at this engine. I open its’ heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I make $39,675 a year and you get the really big bucks ($1,695,759) when you and I are doing basically the same work?” The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic……….. “Try doing it with the engine running……….”
9. There are two sisters one is blonde and the other is brunette and they inherit the family farm. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the farm, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock. They only have $600 left. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, “When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.” The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, “I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our farm. I need her to hitch the trailer to our 4×4 and drive out here so we can haul it home.” The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, and then adds, “It’s just 99 cents a word.” Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word. After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, “I want you to send her the word comfortable.” The operator shakes his head. “How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your 4×4 and drive out here to haul that bull back to your farm if you send her just the word “comfortable?” The brunette explains, “My sister’s blonde. It’s a big word. She’ll read it very slowly….”
10. Me: According to the World Health Organization… My dad: WHO?